Dead and Gone

Oh

I've been travellin' on this road too long

Just tryna find my way back home

The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone

And oh

I've been travellin' on this road too long

Just tryna find my way back home

The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone, dead and gone

"Come back , son. He's dying."

"...."

"Please,...just...come back..."

Click.

I was driving along Jalan Ampang when I got that call. A call that was about to turn my world around.

It was my dad. And he was on his death bed.

"Mom, I got the scholarship!!!Can you believe it?!This is awesome!!"
"Oh God, your father's going to be so pissed off!!!"

"But mom, this is all I ever wanted!You know I always wanted to be a singer!"

"Son, you know how your dad is like. He doesn't want his only son to be a singer,"

"But mom, this is what I want to do..."

"Look, your father has arranged everything so that you could be in the military, so..."

"I don't want to be in the military!I don't want to be an army!"

My father was an army, and he was so glad about it.

He was a fighter pilot. And he wanted his son to continue that legacy.

When I was 7, my mom put me into a singing competition.

And it turned out to be the thing that I love.

To sing, is just out-of-this world. The feeling is overwhelming.

When you sing, it's like you're reaching out for the audience.

You try to dive inside their feelings, and play with it.

And when u see they are enjoying themselves,

or shed tears, moved by your singing,

you just feel like you can take on everything.

But my father didn't see so.

He saw it as unfit for a boy, or a guy to be performing.

He saw it as something ugly, something only faggots do.

While he was a roughneck, he certainly didn't want his son to be a faggot.

"I'm sending you to a military school, you understand?!"

"But dad, I already got the scholarship. Isn't it going to be such a waste if I let it go?"

"You are my son, I should decide what's best for you!After all, I'm paying for that school!"
"Dad, I got the scholarship!You don't have to dig out a cent!"

Slap.

My father just couldn't bear the fact that I wanted to be a singer.

And I, being a stubborn lil ruckus, determined to go for it even without his blessing.

So I just went out of the house and decided not to come back.

I could still remember how my mom pleaded to him to let me go,

or in that matter, to let her go so that she could at least send me off to the school.

But my father was so rigid.

I still remember that look in his eyes when I stepped out of that house.

His gaze.

It was frightenning. I was frightened.

At that moment, I know I have no place at all in his heart anymore.

(to be contined)