Chronicle....Part 1 - Kay

So I have a brother, the only brother I had. He is slimmer than me, and he's kinda funny guy. No, not that stupid goofy kind of funny. He's like that charming funny. Urm, no. Not charming funny. He's just funny.

Alright, so he is the middle son. Yeah as u usually can suggest that middle sons are always the good one right?The one who didn't rebel against the Mother. The one who would abide by the Mother's rule. The one who would always make the Mother happy. The favorite son of the Mother.

So does my brother. Lets name him as KAY. Well, that is his nickname after all. Not that we call him Kay at home, but that's the name his friends from Universiti Sains Malaysia, Penang called him. Yeah of course, he's middle name is also Kamarul, which how he came with the nickname Kay.

So he's slimmer, he's funny, he loves to laugh...the light of the party I must say.

And he's GAY.

Yes, you read that right.

He's gay. My brother is gay. I am gay. Well what a fucked up family we had right?

I first suspected that he's gay when well, of course, when he was in Boarding School. Well, not that I know whatever that he did back then, and I was just discovering myself and trying to really digest it...but of course, we were of the same breed.

I still remember when he was in his boarding school, he had this problem with a bitch at his school. That bitch has been spreading rumors that my brother is gay and has been trying to "tackle" her boyfriend. The thing was that my brother was a close friend with her boyfriend. And my brother had advised her boyfriend to stop couple with that bitch, or maybe "suspend" the relationship so they can focus on studies.What a bitch right?Who?My brother?

Yeah, and that was it. I knew it back then that there's something "funny" about my brother, but just keep that thought deeply inside my head.You know when you still couldn't cope with the thought that you are gay, you don't want to mess up your head with the idea that someone who is blood related to you was also gay.

Right?

Chronicle....Part 1

So I'm gay. So that's it. That's all about it. I wouldn't want to go into details how did I become gay and all that shit. It's in the past, and I don't want to tell about it, and I don't want to revisit that side of history.

All I know is that I'm ok with the fact that I love hot guys. And I am happy that I have a bunch of close friends who are in some sort of way, the same ship with me. Well, some seems to over accepting, while some others still quite shy about it. It's ok. They are still my bestfriends ever!And I love them all!

It's not that I'm glad that I'm gay. Well nobody wants to be something that is "unaccepted" as normal. I mean, who would want to wear that silly cone shape bra that Madonna used to don anyway?But I made peace with myself and accept me the way I am. So, nothing's really bad with that huh?

And the fact that I did not love hot guys just for the sake of sex. And definitely I'm not into anal intercourse. I don't find it sexually satisfying like some other gaymen do. I just don't like to fuck or be fucked. Is that even normal for a gay guy?I don't know.

Alright call me helpless romantic. Call me "Mat Gay Jiwang". Whatever. But I'm waiting for the right guy who would sweep me off my feet and lead me off the stairwell.HAHA.Like that will ever happen!Firstly, I'm over 90kg and no one can sweep me off my feet!Well maybe Edward Cullen could.....hohohhohoho...

Yeah.but seriously.I don't want to be called sinner, to face public discrimination and outrage just because I want to enjoy anal sex. I don't think so. I'm looking for something much deeper than that. Not "that" deep!

I'm ready for people to whack me, to call me fags and to say that I'll rot with the other sinners in hell because the Prophet won't accept me and all that shit, having Marzidol to say I'm a "Gay Durjana" as long as I could love my love and give him my all.My all entire Life.Yes.I'm ready for that.Marzidol who?

So, yeah.This is ME.I am Kamarul Azhar and I'm GAY. and I'm proud that I live with that.

picture credit:mazidulakmal.blogspot.com, rofy.blogspot.com

Chronicles of Kamarul...the Brother, the G-Units and the Wardrobe

Okay...you know what, for the past...urm, maybe 7 months I have tried to come out with ideas and contains that might attract readers into my blog...and yeah as you can see, nothing much really works...hohohohooo...I still only had like 2 to 3 people coming over, and they are all my bestfriends and all...so practically, no public ever came visiting my blog...which is kinda sad...haha

But just now, just just now, I was at the Orange cyber cafe in Taman Kosas...and I was reading Gay Authors when suddenly I happen to remember some facts about me and my life that I think....kinda interesting....huhuhuhu

So I guess I'm gonna start blogging about this particular part of my life....I hope people will start to come over and read the stuffs....huhuhhuu...this is a big part from me...

And I hope for those people who didn't quite know who I was before this, I hope you could open up your mind a lil bitand read with an open heart....hahahhaa

Alright, so enjoy the trip!!!!

Fearless

There's something bout the way the street looks when it just rain
There's a glow off the pavement you walked me to the car
And you know I wanna ask you to dance right there
In the middle of the parking lot yeah...

We're driving down the road I wonder if you know
I'm trying so hard not to get caught up now
But you're just so cool running your hands through your hair
Absentmindedly making me want you

And I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first fearless
And I don't know but with you I'd dance
In the storm in my best dress fearless

So baby drive slow till we run out of road
In this one horse town I wanna stay right here
In this passenger seat you put your eyes on me
In this moment now capture it remember it

Cause i don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first fearless
And I don't know but with you I'd dance
In the storm in my best dress fearless

Well you stood there with me in my doorway
My hands shake I'm not usually this way but
You pull me in and I will live or breath
Its the first kiss, it's flawless, really something
It's fearless

P/S: In this passenger seat you put your eyes on me, In this moment now capture it remember it!!!!